I like being given new projects and new things to do at work. I enjoy being entrusted with new responsibilities. Lately I have been so busy I barely have time to look up, but I love that. Down time at work is not my friend.
The thing is, I would like to be home with my kids more. So far, I have really done nothing to work toward that goal. I have started and restarted this blog, but haven’t been a regular writer/blogger for quite a while. I had some momentum going for a while, but then I stopped and completely lost that momentum.
I want more from life than what I have right now. I don’t mean more things, just something different. I found myself thinking recently at the end of my day, “Well, I got through that.” I don’t what to “get through” my days. I have kids getting older by the minute and I want to enjoy the time I have with them.
I don’t necessarily want to quit my job and stay at home full time, but it would be ideal if I could work while the kids are at school and be home when they are. If I could work that out at my current job, it would be great, but it’s not an option.
Still I keep trying to find something more. I try to blog, write, do something to change things. My goal isn’t a life of leisure, it’s just to work from home—more if not completely—and enjoy it. I was home with my kids, either part or full time, at various times in the past, and I miss the flexibility that comes with that. I miss being able to go on all of the field trips and to all of the school events. I try, and my company is pretty flexible, but sometimes by the time I find out about the event or trip it’s too late to get the time off. Or it’s toward the end of the year and I have no more time off to take.
I miss being able to do things for me, too. The ability to schedule appointments without worrying about how it will fit in with my work schedule was so much easier. Getting more sleep. Having time to do more than throw my hair in a ponytail and hope for the best.
I try to do my job well, and I have always been willing to take on new projects at work. My work life is very organized and I am successful at what I do. Probably because I enjoy it. Now I need to learn to transfer those skills to the work I want to do at home.
I don’t have any plans to leave my job. As I said, I really do like it where I am. Still, I wonder if I really want to retire from here in 25 more years or so, or be doing something else by then.