Note: This is from a writing prompt. The instructions were to just write, not edit or over-think, just answer. I decided to post it even though it is more revealing than I would normally be of my private life because it is a good example of how many excuses we can come up with to avoid the one thing we really want to be doing.
Why don’t I have time to write? Because I have a nearly three year old who needs lots of attention. I have been letting her watch far too much TV, and that needs to stop. If I don’t let her watch TV though, I have to spend a large part of my day keeping her occupied and out of trouble. I don’t mind, it comes with the territory, but that is why I don’t have time to write.
Why don’t I have time to write? Because I have two older children who can’t be in the same room together without it becoming a screaming match, or a contest to see who can say the most horrible thing to the other one.
Why don’t I have time to write? Because my oldest no longer lives with me and when he’s here he demands a lot of my attention. He always wants to go upstairs or into his room to talk. It’s not necessarily about anything in particular, he really just wants time with me and no one else.
Why don’t I have time to write? Because I have a husband who expects to be waited on, despite his insistence that he doesn’t. I have a husband who lays in wait for me to get up so he can ask me to get him something, nearly every time my ass leaves the couch.
Why don’t I have time to write? Because I don’t see my husband much; he is always either working or just out. When he is home, he wants to spend time with me. I get that, I want to spend time with him too. It’s just that he doesn’t understand that just because he’s taking a day off mid-week doesn’t mean that I get to do that. I still have chores and responsibilities.
Why don’t I have time to write? Because I have an asshole ex-husband who likes to keep taking me back to court, nearly three years after the divorce, just to be a dick. Sure, he always has what sounds like a good reason if it was based in reality, but generally it’s based on the reality in his head, which in no way resembles what the rest of us experience out here in the world.
Why don’t I have time to write? Because I’m dealing with the bank, and paperwork, and faxing things, and making phone calls, and filing papers and going to court in an effort to save our house, my house, from foreclosure.
Why don’t I have time to write? Because I am exhausted nearly all of the time. No amount of caffeine can stop that, and even when I technically could nap when M. does, I don’t most of the time because I always have so many other things I need to get done while she sleeps.
Why don’t I have time to write? Because there’s no such thing as having time to write. You just have to write, not wait for the best time to do it. That doesn’t exist. So I can make excuses, or I can make sentences. Only one of those is satisfying.