Dear Jogger running down the back road earlier today,

I’m not sure if you noticed, but we just had a fairly major snowstorm yesterday, and it is still snowing today.  I’m not sure if you’ve looked down during the course of your self-imposed exercise regimen, but the roads are still coated in snow which mainly fell over the black ice from earlier in the week. 

Now, far be it from me to criticize as my idea of exercise is running from the car to the door of my office when it rains, but do you really think today was the best possible day to be out jogging?  The roads, as you may have gathered from what I said a second ago, are slick.  Slick as in “I was trying to follow the curve to the left but the car just slid off into the ditch” slick.  Butter in a frying pan slick.  You get the idea.  My point is that jogging down a road like this while drivers are attempting to just get from point a to point b without crashing into something is just…well…moronic.

Did it ever occur to you that it might be stressful enough for those of us who had to get up, dig out our cars, force them up a driveway, go to work at 8:30 a.m. on a Saturday, and are now trying to get home without having to concern ourselves with whether or not we are likely to skid into your lycra-clad ass while we attempt to drive by you up a steep incline on these, as I already mentioned, snowy back roads?

Frankly, next time my car starts skidding toward you, I may just turn into the skid and hit the gas just on general principles.  Call it Darwinism.  The smart survive, the idiots who jog in blizzards…well, survival of the fittest, and let’s face it, if they were more fit they wouldn’t look that way in the lycra.

Here’s my advice to you on these cold and wintery days:  Join a fucking gym.  I’m just saying.